Entitlement
Vs. Earning: How To Avoid Harmful Help As A Parent
There’s a story about a boy who came from a wealthy family. His
father had built a large, multimillion-dollar business from the
ground up. As this father approached retirement, he brought his son
into his office and told him that he wanted him to take over his
company. The son was excited to take over his father’s
multimillion-dollar empire and asked, “When are you going to give it
to me?” The father replied, “I am not going to give you anything,
you must earn it.” The son replied, “How am I supposed to do that?”
The father answered, “First, you must earn $10,000 to purchase a
small portion of ownership in the company. After this is
accomplished you will get your next instruction.” As the son left
the house to being his quest, his mother grabbed him and thrust
$10,000 into his hand and told him to give the money to his father.
Thrilled by his good fortune, he ran to find his father. His dad was
sitting by the fireplace reading a book. The son approached his
father and said, “Dad, Dad, here’s $10,000 for the business.”
Without even looking up, the father grabbed the $10,000 and tossed
it in the fire and watched it burn. The son stood frozen in
amazement. As the money burned, the father said, “Come back when you
have earned the money!”
As he left the room, his mother once again thrust $10,000 into his
hand. This time she instructed him that he needed to be more
convincing in selling his father on the idea that he had actually
worked for the money. So the boy scuffed himself up a little, jogged
around the block a few times, and then went to find his father
again. His father was again sitting in front of the fireplace
reading a book. The boy approached his father and said, “It sure is
tough earning money. Here’s the $10,000. I really do want to own the
business.” Once again the father took the $10,000, and without even
looking up, tossed the money in the fireplace. As the money burned,
the son asked, “How did you know I didn’t earn the money?” The
father replied, “It is easy to lose or spend money that is not your
own.”
At this point, the son realized he wasn’t going to get the business
unless he actually earned the $10,000. He wanted the business, so
when his mother offered him money again, he declined her offer. He
went out and picked up some odd jobs. His jobs required him to get
up early and stay up late, but he worked and worked until he finally
earned $10,000. Proudly, he walked into his father and presented him
with the money. Like before, his father was sitting by the fire
reading a book. Again the father took the money and threw it in the
fire. As the money hit the flames, the son dove to the floor and
risking burns and pain stuck his hands into the fire and pulled out
the $10,000. The father looked his son in the eyes and said, “I see
you really did earn the money this time.”
Many parents make the mistake of provided damaging financial
assistance to their children. Their motives are usually good. They
want to help their children get started in life or assist when a
financial need rises. Unfortunately, the result is often opposite to
the one desired. Instead of helping children become self sufficient,
they become dependant. Rather than sparking initiative and
discipline, the children become idle and indulgent. Instead of being
achievement oriented they become entitlement oriented, ungrateful
and demanding. “Children who always get what they want will want as
long as they live.” Research has shown that “in general, the more
dollars adult children receive [from their parents] the fewer they
accumulate, while those who are given fewer dollars accumulate
more.” How can we make sure our children grow up with the earning
mentality rather than the entitlement mentality?
While starting my first business, I often relied on one of my
business partners and mentors, who was a multimillionaire, for
advice. My business was growing but struggled to turn a profit. I
continued to work hard but things were getting tougher and tougher
for me financially. I went to my rich partner and asked for a loan
to help me get by until the business was profitable. He declined to
give me any assistance. I was a little frustrated and said, “You are
making millions a year and I am struggling to stay alive. Please
help me.” He looked at me and I could tell he wanted to help me. He
was close to giving in to my plea when he replied, “If I take away
your struggle, I will also take away your victory.” He then shared
the following story.
“There was a young boy who came across a caterpillar hanging in a
cocoon. He went to see the cocoon several times each day waiting for
the butterfly to emerge. After a few days, the young boy began to
see the cocoon move as a butterfly struggled to come out. The boy a
little impatient and wanting to help ran home and got a pair of
scissors. He returned and carefully cut open the cocoon and out fell
a partially developed butterfly. This caterpillar would never fly.
The young boy innocently killed the butterfly he was trying to
help.” At the time, I didn’t find this advice helpful, but today I
am grateful to a wise partner and mentor who resisted the temptation
to cut open my cocoon and take away the struggle of life while
starting a business.
One of the best ways to create an earning mentality in our children
is to teach them how to work. Work helps get rid of the idea that
one is entitled or has the right to something. I have identified 3
important factors that help teach children good work ethics. Parents
need to look for opportunities to assign or create chores and work
for children that have the following characteristics:
1. Purpose
The job assigned must have real life purpose. As a child, there was
a large vacant plot of land behind my house that was very proficient
in growing weeds. Dad sectioned off the plot and gave each child a
section. The instruction was simply to keep the weeds down by
pulling the weeds by hand. I can remember hating this job because it
was always hot and dusty and the weeds grew fast and tall. I finally
asked my dad why we had to keep the weeds down. Dad then explained
that it was to make sure the weeds don’t spread into the yard and
garden so the grass will be soft to play on and the garden will grow
lots of good food to eat. This explanation gave my sweat and pains a
purpose that I was willing to work for. I still didn’t like weeding
my section but, now understanding the purpose of the job, I had
motivation to make sure my plot was free of weeds.
Sometimes as parents we give chores that simply have the purpose of
keeping our children busy. These chores are probably better than
letting children sit in front of the TV or play video games all day.
However, jobs with real life purpose, once accomplished, will ignite
a feeling of true accomplishment and contribution to a collective or
greater good. The feelings of purpose and accomplishment are
feelings everyone desire. It is wise to use these feelings to fuel
future assignments with purpose.
2. Consistency
Parents need to be consistent in assigning chores. If making the bed
is an important skill or chore you want your child to learn or
accomplish then you as the parent must be consistent is giving the
assignment everyday and just as consistent in following up and
making sure the job is done and done well. If you are as consistent
in assigning a chore and just as consistent in following up and
helping the child accomplish the chore then the child will
progressively and consistently accomplish the chore alone.
The job that teaches good work ethics is one that is on a consistent
schedule. Punctuality is important in the work place and in life. It
wasn’t until I got a job my first job out side of the home that I
realized the importance of consistency. While in Junior High I
worked at a local grocery store where I was required to be at work
on time. I’ve found that those who had jobs outside of the home
while still in high school have a stronger work ethic than those who
did not. Having noticed this trend leads me to believe that teaching
a child to work is not simply teaching them how to do a few jobs but
it’s teaching a way of life.
3. Perseverance
One of the hardest parts of life is to continue to do something when
it is no longer fun or when it never was fun to begin with. The
world would teach our children that such uncomfort or pain should
not be tolerated. The world would go as far as to teach that if pain
is felt then what ever is causing the pain is bad and should be
avoided. It is on the contrary that good work ethics are learned. It
is important to teach our youth to continually work past the point
of comfort. Not many reach this point regularly, but it is here that
character is permanently built. Learning good work ethics takes
persevering through the uncomfort and beyond the pain of work.
Right out of High school I worked at a lumber mill in Idaho. My job
was to stack lumber as it came off the saw. This was the most
physically demanding job I’ve ever had. At the end of every day I
was physically drained from being baked in the saw mill from the
summer sun and from keeping up with the mill as it relentlessly
kicked out lumber to be stacked. It was just a miserable job. I
remember asking myself during one of my short breaks if this job was
worth the pain. The thought and answer came back that “It wouldn’t
be called work if it wasn’t work!” Well, that didn’t really help me
feel better but it did help me understand that not all work is fun.
Business owner and church leader, Spencer W. Kimball said “I
remember some years ago, a young man and his wife and little
children moved to our Arizona community. As we got acquainted with
them, he told me of the rigorous youth he had spent as he grew up.
He’d had to get up at five and six o’clock in the morning and go out
and deliver papers. He’d had to work on the farm and he’d had to do
many things that were still rankling (irritation/resentment) in his
soul. Then he concluded with this statement: ‘My boys are never
going to have to do that.’ And we saw his boys grow up and you
couldn’t get them to do anything. They [sluff] off their church
activities and nothing seemed very important to them.”
If you protect your children from struggle and responsibility, you
will also prevent them from growing. Help you child learn how to
work and earn by assigning work that has real purpose, consistency,
and requires perseverance. Good work ethic and the earning mentality
cannot be purchased with money but are developed through experience,
responsibility and education. The Entitlement mentality is a form of
bondage for it is simply living off of others —for if you take from
a person his responsibility to care for himself you also take from
him the opportunity to be free. Do not simply give your kids money,
give them education and opportunity and teach them how to work. It
costs a lot less and will develop the productive, self sufficient
children you desire.
Cameron C. Taylor is the author of the book Does Your Bag Have
Holes? 24 Truths That Lead to Financial and Spiritual Freedom.
Content for this article was taken from chapter 12 of this book.
Sample chapters from this book are available online at
http://www.DoesYourBagHaveHoles.org
