We all know that
successful parenting skills are a combination
of love for our children and the ability to set clear boundaries
within a routine family life. Admittedly, if parenting was so
clear and easy, programs such as the Supernanny would not have
proven so successful.
Bringing up children does not come with a guidebook and there
seems to be obvious parenting confusion within our society. More
and more people are living away from their extended family, and
in order to be able to afford all the trappings of modern family
life, parents are often forced to leave children at nurseries.
Under these circumstances, parents are expected to raise
well-behaved, intelligent children.
Is it that parents are being made incompetent? The endless
effort of combining family and working life can prove to be a
very difficult juggling act. More parents than ever admit to
have parenting problems at some point. This is reflected in the
boom of the baby & child market, with increasing numbers of
products launched claiming to help with day-to-day parenting
tasks. The baby product market expects us to be incompetent for
the sake of inventing and selling us unnecessary gadgets. For
every situation imaginable we are able to find something that
will help us overcome it.
The product world
When reading through a baby & child magazine there is one thing
that should strike every reader: the adverts! There is hardly a
page not showing a new and "innovative" product: it may be a new
scarf to distract your baby for a few minutes, a time-out pad, a
new swaddling blanket, stylish maternity bags, harnesses. A lot
of these products are indeed interesting and very useful though
it seems that parenting skills are left to products and gimmicks
rather than parents.
A good example of this is the new "time-out" pad. Equipped with
a timer, the parent simply sits their misbehaving child on the
pad, sets the timer and leaves the child to 'contemplate'. The
key feature of this product is that it alerts the parent when
the child leaves the "naughty pad". It takes the "naughty step"
idea to a new level, parents should be the ones setting clear
boundaries and disciplining children in order to teach respect
and understanding. If parents rely on technology to do this, how
will children learn these key skills without clear explanation
and patience?
Another example is the harness; made for safety reason so that
the toddler cannot run away; in principle, in dangerous
situations they are a good idea, especially if the little two
year old is going through a wild phase. It is one thing to see a
little toddler being taken across the car park in a harness when
a parent has their hands full of shopping, it is another thing
entirely to see a little one being dragged through the park:
unable to stop, look at the stones, pick up at the leaves or
watch the passing cyclist. It is our responsibility to teach
children to stay close at all times rather than holding a
string. We should be allowing children to stop and look or
listen at their own pace in safe places such as the park whilst
making sure that they do not this in a car park. They will
quickly learn the difference in environments and what behaviours
are acceptable and safe within the context. In fact, learning to
risk assess their own environment will make children more safety
aware.
Driving them to and from school, not allowing them play
outdoors, choosing the latest computer games for entertainment
and learning about the world outside from the TV with the
reasoning - at least we know that our kids are safe, begs the
question - Safe from what? Stifling children from exploring can
lead to confidence and emotional development problems, as
children grow up with very little understanding of the real
world.
The time-out pad, harnesses, computer games and many more
products help keep our children safe and keep our parenting
skills in line with what is the accepted social norm. We should
come to understand that all these gadgets in fact help distract
the parent from the actual situation where true parenting skills
are most needed. The manufacturers claim to have invented
another helper to make a parent's life easier but in reality
these things remove the natural parenting skills we are so
desperately looking for.
Lack of confidence
With no return in sight to our parental instincts, today's
parenting skills mirror our lack of confidence. We live in a
society where parents are expected to raise well-behaved, quiet,
pleasant children under the pressure of our daily working lives.
If our children are having a "wild" day we are desperate for
advice and help and feel that we have completely failed.
It is time to understand what is normal and what is superficial:
our parental instincts are there to guide us naturally. It is
wise to look at a "wonder" product twice before committing to
loosing a little bit more parental control; and even if our
children behave like little monkeys we should rely more on our
instincts to tell us what is really needed.
By Tina Rychlik is the owner of BabysBest.co.uk, Leeds, UK. She
is
dedicated to help babies get the best start in life! She is
passionate about offering information that enables parents to
make an informed choice about their baby's upbringing. With
common sense at the heart of her style, she combines the natural
approach to baby's well-being with modern parenting methods of
