It's Obvious that our
culture had become obsessed with teaching Teens how to be successful
in corporate America. Kids are exposed to so much information now in
school with the advent of the computer and the information age. Of
course education is important, and striving for higher goals is not
in of its self a bad thing.
But a life of
excelling in education and spelling bees does not assure a
productive and happy individual. Being successful in life can only
be accomplished by a person who knows how to think, how to place
value on self, on responsibility and never placing the outcome of
the race before the journey of the race.
Research has shown
that most people who win the lottery will eventually wind up in
worse shape than they were before they won. This is simply because
no amount of money will change the way a person thinks or his
priorities. Then of course we have powerful and "successful" CEO's
who become power hungry and obsessed with money and public standing
who wind up destroying a company along with the investors life
savings.
These things can
happen when a person is not raised with the fundamental building
blocks that create a happy and well balanced person. Sure, they
learned all the academic information they needed, but they were
never taught how to place value on the most important part of being
alive.
Living in America, the
most rewarding country of all, Teens are still neglected from
learning these principles. They go to school, some go to church,
they watch extremely adult programming on TV and also they watch
their parents and others reactions to life situations. Through all
of this, still they do not get direct understanding of how powerful
their mind and thoughts are. They learn reactions from others, never
being taught that each reaction should be a choice and not a
habitual response.
Kids and Parents these
days really have their hands full more so than ever. Its no longer
possible to shield a kid from the negatives of the world. If a kid
is not aware of these things, the day will come when they become
exposed to them on their own. There may be a silver lining to that
however, as honesty is really the best policy.
Even the best parents
however may not have a priority to teach kids these principles
simply because they were not raised with them their selves; even as
they may have a loving and supportive home which is very important,
they may not be teaching their kids how to react out of choice
rather than habitual reactions.
Just as an example,
perhaps a kid notices how a parent opens a bill then becomes upset
that the bill has been raised. The parent may go on a mini tyrant
about how they are getting ripped off, how can they afford it ect.
Well kids learn everything from example. Usually a kid will emulate
that of the same sex parent. Therefore a kid learns through
repetition how to react to that situation. This is of course an
obvious condition, since most kids will eventually take on the same
political side of the parents, the same religion, etc. Kids learn by
the parents example. The parent is in fact just continuing that
example set by their own parent years and years ago.
So, what is wrong with
a person becoming irate when they open yet another higher bill? Well
that is a very interesting question and a very important one as
well. Surly we can all justify that this situation should justify a
pouting reaction. After all something beyond my control happened to
me, taking something I value away from me. This makes me angry and
when I get angry everyone will know about it! Now I feel helpless
for I have no control, so I will get angry and try to scare the hell
out of this bill! Subconsciously I remember my parents doing this
and that's how I'm supposed to react.
And of course this
reaction is not just limited to opening the monthly bills, but I
also use this when I'm issued extra work at my company. And you
better believe I'm going to get pissed when I get pulled over for
going 85 miles and hour on my way to work! If I'm having a
particularly challenging week, I may find myself in a pissed off
state for most of the day. Now I've developed a certain look in my
eyes, and if I cut my eyes to you with this certain death stare, you
have better have only good news for me. ha ha.
Well part of being an
adult is that we do not let our selves become angry because we
simply did not get our way. After all, we tell our kids this all the
time. Its just implied that they do what we say, not what we do!
Unfortunately we never got direct instructions on how to actually
live this way ourselves. Let me just address the serious negatives
to this situation starting from the end state. I have become
shielded in a mood of discomfort. I dwell on each situation that is
causing me distress. In fact, I go through them all one by one and
as if that wasn't fun enough, I do it again. Maybe if I think about
this long enough I will find some loop hold that will set me free
from this hideous cycle of self condemnation.
Living in this bubble
of self inflicted discomfort, now I'm oblivious to other things in
my life. I haven't even noticed that my son cleaned up his room. I
haven't noticed that the roses in the back yard have begun blooming.
My mood is tense, my heart rate is high. My awareness is now limited
to only the negatives I'm dwelling on. People can easily sense that
I'm in no mood for conversation and my sense of humor is fast asleep
on me now. After numerous cycles or repeating the same thoughts
through my head, now I'm creating a whole new cycle of interesting
thoughts. I'm thinking about my retirement now and I wonder if I
will have enough to retire with. Then I think, "holy cow, who's
worried about retirement when I have kids who need to go to
college". Then a stray thought pops into my head, "I wonder if my
boss will consider me for a promotion this year? I doubt it, with my
luck I'll probably get fired".
Its just simply a
universal law that "like attracts like". This principle is not
limited to only physical matter, but is also quite valid with a
persons own thoughts and experiences. In the example above we have
all taken a turn on that ride. You don't need to be a philosopher, a
priest or a rocket scientist to see how this principle works. Taking
this a step farther we all know someone who is the doom and gloom
type of person, and this person will truly have what seems to be one
unlucky experience after another. And my personal favorite (not
really) is the complainer. This person never ever has anything go
right for them; for them life is one long day of one disaster after
another. And if you will notice, a few minutes with this person will
become infectious. You will suddenly find your own self
participating in this disrespect for life trying to top his next
complaint with your own. After you manage to pull yourself away from
this spiritual vampire, you will find yourself feeling drained, and
certainly not happy.
So why do we choose to
jump into this bubble of discomfort? It can be such a habitual
reaction that we may find ourselves in it before we knew what hit
us. It was certainly not something that was forced on us. We
voluntarily jumped into it with a sense of familiarity that almost
felt like home. It happened so quickly that we didn't even notice it
was actually a choice that we made.
At any moment we find
ourselves in, in-life, there are an infinite number of things we can
think about. Certainly there is a world full of negative things all
over the planet that we can choose to think about if we decide too.
On the other hand, at any one moment there is a whole world of
positive things that exist in that moment that we can think about.
Why is that statement so important?
Simply because that is
all you have. What you think about is responsible for your
experience of each moment and for your whole life experience; your
relationships, your memories, your contemplation of the future, all
of this is done inside your own head and heart. The KEY is of course
CHOICE! In a sense, just for arguments sake, nothing exists outside
of a person. Sure our eyes and ears say something is over there. But
our experience of that is always and forever, inside us.
This becomes important
for you to understand because you have to teach your kids that no
experience on the "outside" of them can cause them any harm unless
they choose for it to do so. Naturally I'm not speaking of physical
dangers, but experiences.
Suppose your Teen
starts a new school, in a new state. His first day maybe he finds
out that the other kids don't dress like he does. Maybe they don't
even talk about the same things as he is used too. Your kid fits in
fine where he comes from, but is clearly an outsider at this new
school. Some of the older kids tease him, he doesn't feel like he
can make friends with these strange kids. Naturally he does what all
kids do and becomes upset and he jumps into his bubble of
discomfort.
Looking at the big
picture how is it possible that this situation causes him harm or
discomfort? This situation is completely on the outside of him. In a
sense its not much different than watching a new TV show. He is
experiencing something new as an observer. His attention is focused
on what his new surroundings are, the new people, the new
conversations, and even the teasing. Unfortunately he doesn't yet
understand that outward experiences have no power to change his mood
UNLESS he allows it to do so. Once again in that moment the world is
full of experience, and memories. There are great ones, and negative
ones. The ones that a person gets in tune with are the ones that
they CHOOSE!
Don't you think that
our kids need to know that they are not victims to whatever crosses
their minds? That they are not victims to things they observe. The
most powerful magic that they possess is the ability control what
and how they think! What they choose to think about is what they
choose to feel. A person should go through life feeling GOOD! A kid
should be well informed and taught how to use the most powerful
computer on earth, their brains! Once again, I'm not talking about
algebra or compound sentences, I'm talking about the foundation of
the mind.
In the earlier example
of opening the bill, a parent who going to set an example of power
and confidence may do something like this. Open the bill, look at
it, and set it down. And that's about it!
That's because in his
mind, he knows that sacrificing even a minute on being upset and
angry is just ridiculous. In the big picture he knows that the whole
world is set up on a system of giving and receiving energy. The
symbol for this is of course money. He understands that the
electricity is something that he wants, something that he needs, and
something that really if he had too, would pay twice as much for it
as he does. He knows the electric company has a lot of employees and
a lot of expenses themselves. When he makes his payment, he is
contributing to the whole community for a service that he requests
to have. More than that, a 2 percent increase is basically nothing
in the big picture of life.
More than that, he
keeps the positive attitude that he CHOSE to expereince. No outward
force of discomfort invaded his mind and emotions. He did not
sacrifice one moment of what he wanted for the chance to pitch a
temper tantrum. He sees things in the big picture. He chooses to see
the best in people and circumstances. He understands that the
quality of his journey through life has nothing to so with opening
envelopes or checks for that matter. It is simply, a state of mind.
There is a magical
aspect to this that actually goes much farther than just avoiding
the temper tantrum. Wise men and women throughout history have tried
to tell us in as many ways as they could about these principles.
The magical aspect is
that "like attracts like". A positive attitude not only saves the
moment, but goes out to save future moments too. That is called the
law of attraction. When a person decides to choose positive
experiences the universe will began to provide more and more of them
for you to experience. These situations are sometimes called luck.
Sometimes they are called blessings from God.
I have purposely
avoided addressing religious theologies, as there are so many of
them and so many different views. And whatever your theology is,
just relate these principles to that of your creator. These
principles do exist; they were made into the fabric of the whole
system just as the planets and forces of nature.
Some famous quotes
that reflect these principles; "Cast your bread upon the waters and
in many days it returns" "Spirit is the Life, Mind is the builder,
the physical is the result" "Live by the sword, die by the sword"
"Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will
change"
These are just a few
of countless quotes that are simple ways of explaining how our
thoughts DO influence experiences they we actually create. What a
person believes and expects about the world are key to how this
person's life unfolds. Have you noticed that the world is EXACTLY
how you believe it is? Think about that. That is a very powerful
statement! It is both true for you, and your kids.
In short, always
stretch for a better feeling thought than where you are. Teach your
kids to do the same. The road to happiness is in choosing how to
feel, not reacting to how to feel.
If you want to drive
to another state, you may use a road map for directions. When you
drive through life, your directions to happiness are your emotions.
When you feel bad, you are going the wrong way. Find a better
feeling thought, find relief, then you will be headed back in the
right direction. The best thing you can do to Parent your kids is to
teach them how to use this magical roadmap of life!
