The access that teens have today
to information and to other people through the internet is
overwhelming and also very scary at times. It is even scarier to
think about how many people have access to your teen through the
internet and what information they are able to obtain if neither
you nor your teen are informed about the risks and danger
involved in sharing information with strangers online.
In order to come up with an action
plan for how you can best monitor your teen's emailing, instant
messaging and text messaging and help keep them safe, it is
important to understand how teens use these three forms of
communication.
Email: this is the
oldest and most basic form of communication used by many
individuals and allows teens to keep in touch with others
through typing messages and sending them to friends. Email
accounts are generally free and are very easy to obtain. Teens
may check their emails many times throughout the day and may
write many, many emails throughout the day. Teens do not need
parental consent or approval to obtain email accounts.
Instant Messaging: this
is probably used much more frequently by teens than traditional
email. Instant messaging (IM) generally involves much shorter
messages than emails. Messages are generally not full sentences
and use many abbreviations and shortened words to make for
quicker messaging. These messages are generally sent back and
forth very quickly (either via the computer or cell phone) and
can appear to be in a code which is difficult for parents to
read and understand. IMing may be done with people teens know as
well as some they don't know but who they have met online or
electronically.
Text Messaging: this is
now a normal part of teenage (and adult) culture. Text messaging
can be used from most cellular phones (as long as it is part of
the service plan) and can be done quickly and often. Since
teenagers usually have their cell phones with them, text
messaging is always accessible to them and they are always
accessible to those who are text messaging them. Text messaging,
like instant messaging, does not usually involve using full
sentences and often involves the use of shortened words or
abbreviations which can be difficult for adults to figure out or
understand.
All three forms of
communication mentioned above can be very healthy for teens and
are a very normal part of teenage life with today's technology.
However, here are three, significant potential problems with
these forms of communication which parents need to be aware of
and help their teens manage.
1. Constant Distraction
Teens have access to their email, IMing and text messaging much
of the time which can create problems when they are required to
concentrate on other things. For example, teens who have
computers in their room or who can get email access or text
messaging through their phones tend to respond each and every
time they hear the signal that someone is trying to contact
them. I often seen teens out to dinner with their families with
their phones out the entire time text messaging friends rather
than spending time talking with their parents or other family /
friends who are present with them. In addition, this can be a
major homework distraction for teenagers. It becomes difficult
for teens to remain focused on studying or completing
assignments when interrupted constantly by emails, IM's and text
messages.
2. Permanency of
Communication Many teens do not realize that all the
messages and pictures they are sending are permanent. It is much
different than calling someone and having a person to person
conversation. I have seen teenagers get in trouble because of
messages or pictures they sent which were not appropriate or
which were threatening towards someone (even if they did not
have any intent of carrying out their threat). I have also seen
teenagers heartbroken because something they emailed or text
messaged someone in confidence was shared with others. Every
message and picture sent can be forwarded and shared with many,
many people which can end up being devastating for teens.
3. Safety Issues Because
of the communication technology available to teens today, there
are many more risks and there is generally much less parental
supervision. It is very different from the days where there were
one or two land line phones in a home that were shared by all
family members and usually in community spaces in the home. Now,
teenagers often have computers and cell phones in their rooms
where parents are unable to monitor what they are doing. In
addition, teens can be sitting beside their parents text
messaging and parents have no idea what the content of the
messaging is. It is very easy for teens to meet people on the
internet who they do not know. Teens exchange "profiles" and
sometimes pictures with strangers and begin to develop a
relationship with these individuals. What is scary about this,
is that teenagers may want to actually meet the person they have
been communicating with who may or may not be who they say they
are. It is much harder for parents to monitor or gain
information about their teenager's friends when they are meeting
people who are not from their community. I have personally
worked with teenagers who met "friends" over the internet who
ended up victimizing them upon meeting them in person. This is
obviously devastating for these teens and their families.
Finally, teens can be harassed by other teens via text messaging
and email (cyber bullying). This can be very painful and scary
for teenagers who may feel very alone and anxious about cruel
messages or threats sent to them.
As a parent, there are certain
steps you can take to help your teenager manage their emails,
IM's and text messages safely and effectively.
1. Educate your teen about
the permanency of their messages and photos. Make sure your
teenagers know that their messages never go away (even when
deleted) and that they can come back and haunt them in the near
or distant future so that they are more likely to think about
what they are sending before actually sending it. Make sure that
they are aware that messages can be forwarded to many, many
people and remind them not to say anything that could come back
to haunt them.
2. Remind your teen to not
open links or attachments unless they know who they are from.
Often times these contain pornographic photos or content or
could generate junk emails or inappropriate emails to their
account.
3. Randomly check who your
teen is communicating with. In most instances, parents have
purchased or are paying for their teenager's computers or phones
so they absolutely have a right to be checking them. At least
1/3 of teens report that their parent would not approve of all
that they are doing online. If they are using their computer or
phone inappropriately then, as the parent, you should take it
away until they can adhere to your expectations.
4. Put your computer in a
public place if possible. Doing this will automatically
increase your ability to supervise your teenagers email and IM
activity.
5. Set clear expectations
and follow through. Be very clear with your teenager about
what they can and cannot do with their computer and/or phone.
They may tell you that you don't understand and that nobody else
has restrictions on their computer use, however, you have every
right to set up clear rules and guidelines for your teenager.
Some parents restrict use until homework is done, take away
certain features if grades fall (i.e. no text messaging on their
phone) or set expectations that their teenager not erase any
history on their phone or computer so that it can be checked
regularly.
6. Educate your teenager
about not sharing personal information with people they do not
know. Make sure your teen knows never to share their address
or detailed information about themselves with people they do not
know. In addition, make sure they do not share any information
related to your finances, banking information, etc. which could
result in identify theft.
7. Let them know you are
there. Let your teenager know that they can come to you if
they are worried or have questions about anything. Many times
teens won't seek support and will get themselves into more
trouble because they are afraid to let someone know what is
happening. Reminding them that you are there to help and support
them may make a difference should a time arise when they are
scared or worried and really need your support.
For the most part, technology
is great and allows teens to gain access to information that can
help educate them and broaden their horizons. Being aware of how
your teenager is using technology and providing education to
them will help ensure that they are safe and responsible with
their emailing, instant messaging and text messaging.
