Teens
have always found ways to rebel, for one reason or
another, and today's teens are more "in your face" than in
previous generations. More than ever before, teens are pushing
limits and boundaries set by their parents, going so far as to
publicly disrespect, physically abuse and even kill their
parents. Teens are quickly rejecting values and ideals set forth
by their parents, opting to follow newfound beliefs based on
what they see in movies or television, music and Websites.
When my children were growing up, I did not allow them to watch
even cartoon-type shows where children were verbally or
physically disrespectful towards parents, using foul language or
disgusting hand gestures. Nowadays, parents not only allow their
children to watch endless hours of unsupervised television each
day, but parents have somehow found it funny to watch such shows
with their children sitting beside them. Then they're somehow
surprised when their children begin acting out what they've seen
or heard.
What's A Parent To Do? Educate yourself. Read a lot of books
about teenagers and parenting teens. Carefully consider the
advice given, weighing it against what you know in your heart
and soul holds up your personal morals and values. Remember what
becoming a teenager was like for you.
Parents who know what's coming are better able to help their
teenage children deal with the body changes, mood swings, odd
feelings, etc. Work hard to keep the channels of communication
open with your teens, ask meaningful questions that require more
than a "yes" or "no" answer, but don't go overboard by starting
lengthy lectures.
Teach Right From Wrong- Be a good example, personally modeling
the behaviors you desire from your teens. If you think for a
minute that you can have a "do as I say, not as I do" type
scenario going on, I've got some ocean-front property in Arizona
I'd like to discuss with you.
During one particular scheduled visitation with their dad, my
now-grown children witnessed him gathering up the silverware at
a restaurant he'd taken them to, laughing as he explained to our
children his "reasons" for stealing the silverware, all the
while telling them they should never steal. Tip: Kids aren't
stupid. They learn what they live, and it took some time to get
them to understand that sometimes even parents make errors in
judgment.
Pick And Choose Your Battles If you're okay with your teenagers
dying their hair, shaving their head, having a Mohawk, or
wearing funky clothes, so be it. But if your expectations are
that your teenage children uphold a more conservative style,
then make sure you have clearly stated that position with your
children and teens, explaining in a calm yet firm voice that
what other families may allow their children or teens to do has
no bearing on the decisions within your family.
Despite all your best efforts, there will likely be times when
your kid will be downright obnoxious. Even during those times,
it's imperative that your child know that you still love them.
While you have every right to express your displeasure and
disapproval over something they've said or done, it's best to do
so without hysteria, empty threats, or getting physical.
Your teen will likely attempt to argue or debate over every
little thing, but raising your voice to the point of shattering
glass won't accomplish anything but a sore throat. My daughter
used to try to debate me endlessly, but once I realized the game
she was trying to play in order to get her way, I began telling
her "this is not up for debate". She learned rather quickly not
to try to manipulate me. Tip: Say what you mean, and mean what
you say.
Know Their Friends And Their Friends Parents- I cannot emphasize
this enough. I do not mean simply knowing their friends names,
addresses and phone numbers. While it is important to know where
your children and teens are, who they're with, what they're
doing, it is also extremely important to get to know the
parents.
Not all parents will act in the best interests of their own
children, let alone your children. Some parents allow their
teens to drink alcohol as long as they are at home with the
parents. If you do not allow your teens to drink, you need to
know whether other parents will abide by your rules.
By Alvaro Castillo has been helping people with topics relating to
pregnancy for 10 years, with positive results. For more
information go to www.myhomeparent.com or visit
http://myhomeparent.blogspot.com to share your opinion.
